i hate my father and even more so i hate my uncle on my dad's side (he doesn't like me but LOVES my two older brothers. pretty sure he would rather have a sack of potatoes over me for a niece) and my dad just straight up hates me.
well tonight we all had to go to my grandparents house for christmas eve dinner and my uncle thinks he knows everything and is talking to me about school and college stuff next year. he pretty much told me i am a fucking idiot and i cannot do a single thing right and i'm going to fuck up the rest of my life b.c i'm not listening to what is told me to do. excuse me but i do not want to become an engineer...i want to become an actuary so deal with it. and so i went to tell my mom i wanted to leave as soon as we could and my dad over hears and starts telling my mom that i'm acting like a child and my mom stuck up for me and my dad yelled at her for fighting my battles. and i left the room then i got yelled at for doing that and just about everything else i did tonight.
i hateeeeeeeeeee holidays 

i hate my father
i hate my uncle

i wish it was nexy year and i would be 11 hours away from all this shit.

 i just cannot stand this anymore
i have too much drama going on in my life to deal with it all.
i could say it isn't fair, why me? but i know why
because i'm a bitch and i deserve everything. they say karma is a bitch and it really is.

i deserve to suffer in this fat fat body of mine!

5 foot 2 inches 103 pounds. =[
i want to cry.

i always wear a sweatshirt when my boyfriend and i hang out because i'm always cold (its winter). but today i just wore a t-shirt under my jacket so he saw what my body actually looked like. and so i took off my jacket and then he just looked at me, and looked me up and down and i was very self conscious but then he said "damn your skinny" and the whole night he was saying how he loves that i'm short and "skinny". so now i feel like i have to be even more skinny for him otherwise he won't like me
=/

i live in Minnesota and it gets so cold here in the winter i really don't like it. i mean i'm always cold all the time anyways but during the winter it gets really bad =[
i wanted to go to college some place warm but everywhere i'm applying are cold states too hahh.
oh well i guess i'll just have to deal with it.
but i always feel kind of stupis wearing bunches of layers so i stay warm, plus it makes me look even fatter! =[
 

today was the first day of school (even though i have been going to school for a week b.c i do PSEO) but i miss my friend blair, i wish she could have had her senior year. she died a year and a half ago from cancer, at only 16.
i miss her soo much

losing her was part of the reason as to why i developed an ed. amung other things.
=[

its hard. 

hii everone.
i'm new here
but i'd love to have some new friends.
i'm feelin down on myself...i'm going to be 17 in less than a month and i want to look better on my birthday
i'm 110 right now but i want to be down to 100 by then =/